Dear Singapore,
This weekend marked the one year anniversary of my relocation to your jungle metropolis. Although it was not our first meeting, and it was never what you might call "love at first sight", it has been a good relationship so far.
I recently renewed my passport for the third time in my life and I realized that ironically, each time I've renewed that document that seems to be a testament to my life's journey, a new chapter has begun in my existence in this world. I wonder what this chapter will bring. I have decided it doesn't matter because the old cliché rings true; "Life's a journey, not a destination." I hold that close to my heart always, it defines me.
Singapore, although you may not be my true love, you've given me a good home, a great boost to my career, fantastic new friends, more travel memories, lots of material for my book and an easy lifestyle. You've made me laugh, and at times, you've almost made me cry in frustration and you've certainly made me shout in a fury more than once, but overall, the last year has been one I wouldn't change for all the gold in the world.
It has been a journey of self-discovery and metamorphosis that you have provided the backdrop for, as you did once before, twenty years ago. The sights, smells and tastes of the east will stay with me forever should I decide to leave you someday. But I'm not ready to do that just yet, so here's to another year, more or less, only God knows.
Cheers!
Tanya/Tatiana
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Monday, July 19, 2010
Pop Quiz
Pop quiz, boys & girls:
A jogger is coming towards you on the sidewalk, you:
A. Pretend you don’t see them, block them and make them go around you,
it’s your country after all and where did all these expats come from?
B. Casually put your foot out in a lame attempt to trip them, while humming to tunes
on your Ipod...haha, they don’t know how to dial for emergency help in this country.
C. Get the hell out of the way!
A jogger is coming towards you on the sidewalk, you:
A. Pretend you don’t see them, block them and make them go around you,
it’s your country after all and where did all these expats come from?
B. Casually put your foot out in a lame attempt to trip them, while humming to tunes
on your Ipod...haha, they don’t know how to dial for emergency help in this country.
C. Get the hell out of the way!
Friday, June 18, 2010
Travel Blog-France 2010
Changi airport on Thursday night is humming like a beehive of bustling activity. My partner in crime and I, Ayumi, board our 13-hour flight to Amsterdam and then a quick connection to Paris. We eagerly anticipate two and a half weeks of blissful sightseeing, champagne drinking and relentless laughter with Andrea and Jamal.
I’ve discovered that one of my muses for writing is travel. The moment I board a plane, I am instantly inspired. Through my bleary and very dry eyes, I happily pound out hours on the computer keyboard covered in pistachio crumbs.
I’ve just read a chapter of Marquez’s, “Of Love and Other Demons” and now I want to write. “Crazy people are not crazy if one accepts their reasoning.” Says one of his characters. The man is a true genius. A wordsmith like no other, and I am one of his disciples.
The airport in Amsterdam is poorly organized but the staff on KLM are very friendly and their service is perfect. The immigration officer at Schiphol asks me “Where are you going?”
To which I respond, “Paris.”
He replies, “Oooh the city of love.”
“I hope so.” I say, with Ayumi, giggling beside me.
As we touch down at Charles de Gaulle, I snap a quick pic of the old Concorde...Paris, we have arrived...
I’ve discovered that one of my muses for writing is travel. The moment I board a plane, I am instantly inspired. Through my bleary and very dry eyes, I happily pound out hours on the computer keyboard covered in pistachio crumbs.
I’ve just read a chapter of Marquez’s, “Of Love and Other Demons” and now I want to write. “Crazy people are not crazy if one accepts their reasoning.” Says one of his characters. The man is a true genius. A wordsmith like no other, and I am one of his disciples.
The airport in Amsterdam is poorly organized but the staff on KLM are very friendly and their service is perfect. The immigration officer at Schiphol asks me “Where are you going?”
To which I respond, “Paris.”
He replies, “Oooh the city of love.”
“I hope so.” I say, with Ayumi, giggling beside me.
As we touch down at Charles de Gaulle, I snap a quick pic of the old Concorde...Paris, we have arrived...
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Running in the Rain
The security guard smiles at me as I come off the lift and says, “Good Morning Ma’am”. As rain sprinkles on my face, I dodge umbrellas passing by the bus stop just outside my building. As I pass a black cat drinking at a puddle, I almost bump into an old Chinese man carrying a small child, with two more, older children dressed in school uniforms in tow. His face is beaming with pride as he walks, whom I assume are his grandchildren, to school. I pass a maid walking three dogs and not looking too pleased about it.
My morning runs have turned into exploring. My new running route loops around a vast open field where people fly kites and remote control airplanes. Each time I run this route, I go a bit further, or in a different direction.
Today I run alongside a small canal amongst the jasmine and bougainvillea and end up on the old Malaysian railway tracks. The jasmine always smells so much stronger when it rains. I cannot imagine a better scent.
It begins to rain a bit harder, so I run longer and further. It’s hard to stop running in the rain; the coolness of it makes me feel like I can run forever. Alas, a cramp forces me to walk a bit. So with Paolo Nutini in my ears, through the magic of my Ipod, I walk into the middle of the field, which is eerily deserted as if on purpose, to give me privacy.
I stand out in the middle of the driving rain as my breathing slows and look up at the sky…
.
My morning runs have turned into exploring. My new running route loops around a vast open field where people fly kites and remote control airplanes. Each time I run this route, I go a bit further, or in a different direction.
Today I run alongside a small canal amongst the jasmine and bougainvillea and end up on the old Malaysian railway tracks. The jasmine always smells so much stronger when it rains. I cannot imagine a better scent.
It begins to rain a bit harder, so I run longer and further. It’s hard to stop running in the rain; the coolness of it makes me feel like I can run forever. Alas, a cramp forces me to walk a bit. So with Paolo Nutini in my ears, through the magic of my Ipod, I walk into the middle of the field, which is eerily deserted as if on purpose, to give me privacy.
I stand out in the middle of the driving rain as my breathing slows and look up at the sky…
.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Dear Mr. President
I can't take credit for this one, I didn't write it. It was sent to me by a friend and I thought it was clever...
Dear President Obama:
I'm planning to move my family and extended family to Mexico
for my health, and I would like to ask you to assist me.
We're planning to simply walk across the border from the U.S. into Mexico ,
and we'll need your help to make a few arrangements.
We plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration
quotas and laws.
I'm sure they handle those things the same way you do here. So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Calderon, that I'm on my way over?
Please let him know that I will be expecting the following:
1. Free medical care for my entire family.
2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not.
3. Please print all Mexican government forms in English.
4. I want my grandkids to be taught Spanish by English-speaking (bi-lingual) teachers.
5. Tell their schools they need to include classes on American culture and history.
6. I want my grandkids to see the American flag on one of the flag poles at their school.
7. Please plan to feed my grandkids at school for both breakfast and lunch.
8. I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I can get easy access to government services.
9. I do plan to get a car and drive in Mexico , but, I don't plan to purchase car insurance, and I probably won't make any special effort to learn local traffic laws.
10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo from their president to leave me alone, please be sure that every patrol car has at least one English-speaking officer.
11. I plan to fly the U.S. Flag from my house top, put U S. Flag decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals.
12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, or have any labor or tax laws enforced on any business I may start.
13. Please have the president tell all the Mexican people to be extremely nice and never say critical things about me or my family, or about the strain we might place on their economy.
14. I want to receive free food stamps.
15. Naturally, I'll expect free rent subsidies.
16. I'll need Income tax credits so although I don't pay Mexican Taxes, I'll receive money from the government.
17. Please arrange it so that the Mexican Gov't pays $4,500 to help me buy a new car.
18. Oh yes, I almost forgot, please enroll me free into the Mexican Social Security program so that I'll get a monthly income in retirement.
I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all his people who walk over to the U.S. From Mexico . I am sure that President Calderon won't mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely.
Thank you so much for your kind help.
Dear President Obama:
I'm planning to move my family and extended family to Mexico
for my health, and I would like to ask you to assist me.
We're planning to simply walk across the border from the U.S. into Mexico ,
and we'll need your help to make a few arrangements.
We plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration
quotas and laws.
I'm sure they handle those things the same way you do here. So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Calderon, that I'm on my way over?
Please let him know that I will be expecting the following:
1. Free medical care for my entire family.
2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not.
3. Please print all Mexican government forms in English.
4. I want my grandkids to be taught Spanish by English-speaking (bi-lingual) teachers.
5. Tell their schools they need to include classes on American culture and history.
6. I want my grandkids to see the American flag on one of the flag poles at their school.
7. Please plan to feed my grandkids at school for both breakfast and lunch.
8. I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I can get easy access to government services.
9. I do plan to get a car and drive in Mexico , but, I don't plan to purchase car insurance, and I probably won't make any special effort to learn local traffic laws.
10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo from their president to leave me alone, please be sure that every patrol car has at least one English-speaking officer.
11. I plan to fly the U.S. Flag from my house top, put U S. Flag decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals.
12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, or have any labor or tax laws enforced on any business I may start.
13. Please have the president tell all the Mexican people to be extremely nice and never say critical things about me or my family, or about the strain we might place on their economy.
14. I want to receive free food stamps.
15. Naturally, I'll expect free rent subsidies.
16. I'll need Income tax credits so although I don't pay Mexican Taxes, I'll receive money from the government.
17. Please arrange it so that the Mexican Gov't pays $4,500 to help me buy a new car.
18. Oh yes, I almost forgot, please enroll me free into the Mexican Social Security program so that I'll get a monthly income in retirement.
I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all his people who walk over to the U.S. From Mexico . I am sure that President Calderon won't mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely.
Thank you so much for your kind help.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Dear Taxi Driver
From the backseat:
You are not supposed to be on your cel phone when driving me to my destination..it even says it in the backseat! And why are you trying to do 50kms in 1st gear? Did we just run over your engine back there?
I've traveled a bit, and rode in taxis in many cities, and last I checked, you're supposed to drive BETWEEN the lines, NOT on top of them...you are entitled to ONE lane at a time. It is a basic premise that two objects cannot occupy the same space at the same time...capiche?
Also, can you please refrain from doing that disgusting flem clearing in your throat that you do? I do not need to see what expels from the bowels of your body on the sidewalk when you open the door at a red light to spit it out.
Furthermore, YOU should know where you are going. Aren't you a "taxi driver"? This island isn't that big and you have a GPS!
And just so you know, just because I'm American does not mean I know President Obama personally or that I happen to know the exact temperature in California today!
You're making me miss NYC cab drivers, just sayin...sorry to be so rude...but I DID say thank you and have a nice day (in Mandarin).
You are not supposed to be on your cel phone when driving me to my destination..it even says it in the backseat! And why are you trying to do 50kms in 1st gear? Did we just run over your engine back there?
I've traveled a bit, and rode in taxis in many cities, and last I checked, you're supposed to drive BETWEEN the lines, NOT on top of them...you are entitled to ONE lane at a time. It is a basic premise that two objects cannot occupy the same space at the same time...capiche?
Also, can you please refrain from doing that disgusting flem clearing in your throat that you do? I do not need to see what expels from the bowels of your body on the sidewalk when you open the door at a red light to spit it out.
Furthermore, YOU should know where you are going. Aren't you a "taxi driver"? This island isn't that big and you have a GPS!
And just so you know, just because I'm American does not mean I know President Obama personally or that I happen to know the exact temperature in California today!
You're making me miss NYC cab drivers, just sayin...sorry to be so rude...but I DID say thank you and have a nice day (in Mandarin).
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Conversations and Adventures with Andrea (Czech) and Jamal (Moroccan/French)
At the night safari:
Me: “Honey, what is THAT animal?”
Andrea: “Ummm, I don’t know honey, looks like dog, only different.”
This same conversation goes on all night and then a snake slithers onto my sandal and I kick it over to Andrea, who screams like a banshee and rips her shoe off to get the snake off. All of this is happening in the dark and Jean Michel (Frenchman visiting from Chicago) takes advantage of our fear by tickling the back of my shoulder with a leaf and scaring the crap out of me. I start screaming with Andrea and the staff of the zoo has no clue how to handle us, but they clearly don’t think it’s funny.
About Facebook:
My status: “My friends are awesome and I am Batman”
Andrea later that day: “Honey, what is Batman?”
Me: “You know, like the movie.”
Jamal: “The guy in black, with the tight pants and the cool car.”
Andrea, scratching her head: “Oh, honey, you are a flying mouse?”
Me: “Yes honey, when you put it that way, it’s not so great.”
About American English:
Jam: “We have it in our hotel room.”
Me: “Great, thanks.”
Jam: “That’s so greeeeaatttt….wait, say it again.” (sly look on his face)
Me, with puzzled look on my face: “Say what again?”
He glances over at Jean Michel who is turning red with laughter and says, “You Americans say that everything is so greeeaaaatttt.”
Jean Michel: “Yea, it’s so funny.”
Jam: “Would you like fries with that burger?”
“Yes, that would be greeeaaattt!”
“Here is your receipt ma’am.”
“Greeeeaaaaatttt, thanks.”
Jean Mi Mi: “Yes and you also say “for sure” about everything.
Me: “Are you French fucks making fun of me?”
Jam and Jean: “No, no we think it’s grreeeaaaaatttt!”
Me: “Oh really? You wanna go there? How about you guys? Everything with you is always so nice, or quite nice.”
“Did you like that movie?
“Yes, it was quite nice.”
“How was your flight?”
“It was niiiiice.”
“Did you like wiping your ass this morning?”
“Yes, it was niiiiiccceee.”
Friday, January 29, 2010
A Message to My Friends:
Times have been tough lately and I am comforted and awed by the way we’ve “huddled” together as if some inert instinct is drawing us to each other to protect and soothe. I am constantly amazed, both by my old friends, and the new ones that I have made on the other side of the world, by their goodwill. Even as they are suffering, they still have something to give me when I need them, and each other.
Eagerly, we cling together like life rafts, keeping each other afloat and kicking the sharks away. Martinis in hand, we tearfully vent to each other through texts, emails, Facebook online chat and phone calls, (and in person when we are near), all the while giving each other small gifts and tokens of our appreciation through kind gifts, big and small, material and emotional.
Some of our problems are financial, some emotional, but they all bring us down and threaten our sanity. But we face them, together. We don’t ignore them or sweep them under the rug. We don’t dismiss each other’s feelings with some light cliché and a dismissive flick of the wrist. We don’t put band-aids on them because we know that band-aids have a tendency to fall off after a while and some wounds never heal.
Instead we do something about our situations. And we do it with the support of each other and without judging. No one cares whose fault it is or how you got to this place of discontent and struggle. We all recognize with wise knowledge that there are two sides to every story and then there is almost always something in between that is usually the truth. We just want to know how we can help each other rise above it and move forward.
And no matter how many martinis, Skype conference calls or Eat Pray Love books it takes, we always have something to give each other. And that is worth all the homes, money and loves we have lost.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
An Open Letter
Dear Writer’s Block,
Yesterday, when I had some time and inspiration, or so I thought, Mac and I locked ourselves away with a glass of wine with the intention of me stroking his keys for a few hours of blissful creativity. That was until YOU showed up, AGAIN.
First you showed up at the coffee shop, then the park on the beach, and then today you followed me to the pool. Last week, I’m not sure, but I could have sworn I saw you on the train, like some creepy character out of a sci-fi movie gazing at me with forlorn eyes that said, “What’s the use?”
Why have you been hanging around so much lately? You’re like a stalker that won’t get the hint. Even as I write this, you keep beeping in on the other line to remind me of my failures. I thought I told you to get lost in Malaysia? How many times do we have to do this sad dance? Why are you so obsessed with me? And where the hell is my muse? Did you steal it while I was distracted by the boring medical articles I was reduced to writing for a few paltry pennies?
Well, I won’t mope with you anymore! Leave me alone; go bother some other tortured soul. Try Anne Rice or Elizabeth Gilbert for a change. I hear they are both available as they are not in need of the success.
I am a passionate woman and Mac and I have history to make together. So piss off and leave me to sit around in my knickers with my wine and my tears to plug this gaping wound!
Signed,
The Frustrated Author of 3 New Poems, and Other Random Thoughts (not including the medical articles, press releases or art catalogue content I was hired to write)
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