At the night safari:
Me: “Honey, what is THAT animal?”
Andrea: “Ummm, I don’t know honey, looks like dog, only different.”
This same conversation goes on all night and then a snake slithers onto my sandal and I kick it over to Andrea, who screams like a banshee and rips her shoe off to get the snake off. All of this is happening in the dark and Jean Michel (Frenchman visiting from Chicago) takes advantage of our fear by tickling the back of my shoulder with a leaf and scaring the crap out of me. I start screaming with Andrea and the staff of the zoo has no clue how to handle us, but they clearly don’t think it’s funny.
About Facebook:
My status: “My friends are awesome and I am Batman”
Andrea later that day: “Honey, what is Batman?”
Me: “You know, like the movie.”
Jamal: “The guy in black, with the tight pants and the cool car.”
Andrea, scratching her head: “Oh, honey, you are a flying mouse?”
Me: “Yes honey, when you put it that way, it’s not so great.”
About American English:
Jam: “We have it in our hotel room.”
Me: “Great, thanks.”
Jam: “That’s so greeeeaatttt….wait, say it again.” (sly look on his face)
Me, with puzzled look on my face: “Say what again?”
He glances over at Jean Michel who is turning red with laughter and says, “You Americans say that everything is so greeeaaaatttt.”
Jean Michel: “Yea, it’s so funny.”
Jam: “Would you like fries with that burger?”
“Yes, that would be greeeaaattt!”
“Here is your receipt ma’am.”
“Greeeeaaaaatttt, thanks.”
Jean Mi Mi: “Yes and you also say “for sure” about everything.
Me: “Are you French fucks making fun of me?”
Jam and Jean: “No, no we think it’s grreeeaaaaatttt!”
Me: “Oh really? You wanna go there? How about you guys? Everything with you is always so nice, or quite nice.”
“Did you like that movie?
“Yes, it was quite nice.”
“How was your flight?”
“It was niiiiice.”
“Did you like wiping your ass this morning?”
“Yes, it was niiiiiccceee.”
